YO LET’S RUIN THIS BITCH
(2 days ago)i had a few too many pictures that i could’ve posted for yesterday’s photo so i’m throwing some up here.
the dinner party was odd not because of the food, which was fabulous, nor, for the most part, because of the company. i think i was also over-tired and thirsty and whatnot, but it doesn’t help that there was this girl there who — okay, let me put it this way. have you ever been in a social situation, meeting new people, where you realise they’re far more interested in getting to know your friend than they are in getting to know you? she wasn’t outright rude — it was more like a magnet or something. she didn’t seem terribly interested in getting to know me.
[for the record i tried to put a cut here but it wouldn’t take. apparently you can’t do that with photo posts, even when you do it in the HTML. thanks tumblr!]
to be honest, it doesn’t really bother me that much. whenever this happens i’m just like, well, your loss, no skin off my back. but then it turns out she knows my best friend T, from some mutual events and circles they move in, and we talked about that for a few minutes “crazy small world!” blah blah blah. only then she turned back to me a few minutes later and said “so how do you know T again?” only this time she used a shortened version of T’s name. like, if her name was Jessica, she would’ve asked me “so how do you know Jess again?”. which, like, do you get why that’s weird? i had just stated T is my best friend, and then she’s like, “Oh, how do you know Jess?”, like suddenly they’re just biffles.
little things. she’s obviously a social climber-y type. but then i started thinking about it, and i realised just how familiar i am with people who don’t have an interest in getting to know me. it happens to me a lot. it’s the same kind of thing — they’re not outright rude, but somewhere along the line they made an evaluation and decided it wasn’t worth getting to know me. i don’t know why, or what tipped them in that direction, but they did. i can’t help but wonder if it’s my age (though you can’t really tell how old i am by looking at me, i would say) or my presentation (i try to dress and groom myself well, but i know i’m certainly not doing the maximum i could be doing), but to be honest it’s more likely it’s my race and the way i act. i’m not just chinese, nor am i asian-american. if anything i’m asian-english, which people are surprised by (“when she opens her mouth she sounds english!”). i’m chinese, and i’m not a shy girl, nor am i a bubbly giggly girl. i’m aggressive and funny and caustic and sociable. i don’t know — something about the race thing strikes me as true. because something else common to people i’ve met who don’t seem interested in getting to know me is that they don’t really know how to talk to me, even though the answer is “as you would to that other person you seem much more interested in getting to know”.
i guess all i realised last night was that i’m used to being underestimated, and that’s kind of sad.
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